“What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.”
Palm Sunday, April 1st, 2012, I awoke early to prepare my heart before the Lord. Fervent prayers of gratitude rise, for sending His son in exchange for my transgressions. Such wondrous love was given to me, that I might live with Him.
The hands of time move forward into the morning hours. Into the baptismal I step, with testimony in hand. I lay my all at His feet, as my story is weaved into a tapestry of words before family and friends.
I Choose Joy
On November 10th, 2010, I became stuck in my worst kind of fear. I heard the words, my cancer had metastasized to my bones and it’s now stage IV breast cancer and the number of days I have left on this earth are uncertain. This came as a big surprise to Bill and me, because I had been cancer free for seven years. Fast forward, a little over a year later and here we are. I have gone through more surgeries, PET scans, blood draws, infusions, doctor appointments, and tumor markers counts than you could imagine.
Many people say to me that on the outside I look perfectly fine. However, on the inside I know it’s a different story. I have a silent enemy hiding inside me, and I am unsure of when it will strike. Some people tell me that all of our days are numbered, and we never know what could happen to any of us. This is very true, however when you’re faced with the reality of death every day, it’s a different pill to swallow. I fully believe that God can heal anyone at any time, if it’s according to His will. Believe me; I have had many talks with God, praying for healing, begging for healing, crying out in devastation and tears for healing. Through all of this, whether I am healed or not, God has asked me the question, “Will you love me no matter what, whether I choose to heal you or not?” The answer was a resounding,” Yes, no matter what!” Through all of my treatments, all of my tears, all of my fears, He has been right beside me holding my hand, never leaving. In realizing and accepting the uncertainty of what my days may hold, I choose to move forward in hope, giving Him the praise for all the good things in my life, and how He has helped me every step of the way.
A few years ago God placed on my heart the verse Acts 4:19, “Go home to your people and report to them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He had mercy on you.” This verse placed the desire in my heart to make sure that God was glorified through everything. It helped to give meaning and understanding to what I was going through. A few weeks ago, as I was getting ready to come to church, the Lord spoke to me and said,” Since I have given you such good test results recently, you need to get baptized and tell everyone what I have done for you.”
So here I stand, telling you what great and wonderful things the Lord has done for me and my family. He is sustaining me on my journey, with continued positive health reports from the doctor. He continues to create financial miracles for our family which have allowed me to no longer work, but to stay at home with our children and focus on my health. I have felt His presence every minute of every day.
I know that He has saved me from my sins, and He will never leave me nor forsake me. I look forward to the future with confidence in Him. I hold on to the promise found in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Recently, my husband gave me a necklace that says, “I Choose Joy.” That’s what I want my testimony to be, I want to choose to find joy in Him, and encourage others to do likewise. Through the good times, hard times, and in-between times, I want to choose to focus on His goodness. When we choose to look past the hard and focus on the joy that’s around us, that’s when real peace can be found.
My story comes to and end, the pastor teases that he liked my sermon better than his. He steps back, and words of authority given by God are spoken, “I baptise you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. My body breaks the plain of the cool water. The past is left behind. I arise, with the healing waters dripping off my soul. My sins have been forgiven, and Jesus is the anchor for my soul, now and forever more.