When you're first told that you have breast cancer it's as if you have been hit by a gigantic punch in the stomach, that knocks the reality of your comfortable world to smithereens. When you have been told you have stage IV cancer, you get knocked flat on your back, with the wind knocked out of you as you struggle to take your next breath. As you continue on with your daily fight against stage IV cancer, it's like you're boxing against shadows, punching this way and that, with gritted teeth and clenched fists, sometimes hitting and defeating the enemy and sometimes not. Cancer is a word that I do not like. It's an enemy that I have been fighting for almost nine years. It's an enemy that can take unknowing victims down in a single swoop, or in a long drawn out life altering battle. ... read more
I Want a Do Over and a Link Up
Photo Credit The pout started to form across her quivering lips and tears began to swell in her eyes as she cried out "I want a do over! This ride just wasn't long enough! It's not fair!" The blue eyed, blond haired, little girl wanted her own way, and she wanted it NOW.Fast forward almost forty years, the now grown woman paces back and forth on the carpeted floors of her living room floor. The hour is late, the clock strikes midnight, and the sound of the grandfather clock reverberates across the house where most have gone to sleep. To continue with the rest of the story please join me at Denis in Bloom, where I have the privilege of guest posting at her wonderful blog today. Now it's time for a link up party ! The purpose of Leaving A Legacy is three fold. It's mission is to ... read more
Time Traveler
I slowly make my way through, the dark and dusty attic, through the treasures of the past that have been left behind. My foot bumps against the old movie projector that used to belong to my father. I pull the cord above and light filters across the room. I look this way and that to see if the old movie reels are still somewhere to be found. I pick up one marked 1970, and I gently place it into the old machine. With a flip of the switch, the sound of the motor whirs, and I feel as if I'm a time traveler stepping into days gone by as the story of the blond haired girl unfolds.She totters this way and that taking her first steps into her future, getting ready for the path that lies before her. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time to help that young child, to guide her steps and protect her ... read more
Opportunities
God gives us opportunities to choose what directions our lives will take. It's because God loves us so much that He allows us to have the freedom to go right or left, this way or that. Our lives are full of snapshots of opportunities.... We have the opportunity to choose to look at the weeds growing in the front yardorthe handful of flowers that our precious babies picked to make mama smile. We have the opportunity choose to look at the piles of laundry scattered on our children's floor or be thankful for the fact that our babies have clothes to wear. We have the opportunity to choose to look at the poor and destitute standing on the street corners and wonder and judge about their situation, or we can pray for them and find ways to volunteer in the community. Wonderful ... read more
Unseen and Seen
I stare at the blankness on my computer screen, deciding whether to write or not. With the prompting and challenge of my husband....I write. Real. It can take two forms, seen and unseen. When you are a stage IV breast cancer patient, the real that is seen, is one that I don't like. Not at all. My brother knows I don't like to talk about this real. Which is fine. He is right. Sometimes I will open up, but only to a select few.How many of us are truly real? When someone asks us how we are doing, most of us will say, "Oh, fine. How are you?" When in reality, the true real gets hidden deep inside. Inside a place where only Jesus, husbands, sometimes brothers, and certain friends will ever know.The real that is unseen is the one that I like. It's my faith in God. I can't see my faith, or God, ... read more
While I’m Waiting
My family knows that I am not a person who likes to wait. I'll have to admit it's not a very good quality of mine. As my son and I were driving past a new elementary school, we saw they had cars lined up in rows of four, about seven to ten deep, each waiting to pick up their precious children. My heart fell into my stomach, in a panic, as I imagined myself sitting in one of those lines, already having my children and not being able to get out. I told my son, "I sure wouldn't like that." He said," I know you wouldn't you would probably have a car that turns into a helicopter and fly right out of there!" I sighed and laughed, "Yep, I probably would, just like on the Jetsons." I joked. I am guilty. Guilty of impatience. I do not like to wait in lines. I definitely do not like to wait ... read more
Fix Your Eyes on Jesus
"2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2 Appearances can be deceiving....the picture above may look like a piece of wood, painted black, with small pieces of stained wood glued on it. It's not.......it's so much more. Look close, very close, and you will see it. It may take a moment, but if you are patient, the piece of wood will be transformed. It's just like life, when times are hard, when people and things fail us for one reason or another, we need to fix our eyes on what really matters and then our troubles will be transformed right before our eyes. Can you see it? Can you see what matters most?If you've enjoyed your time here ... read more
Little Becomes Much in the Master’s Hands
John 6:5-14 "5 When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” 6 He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do. 7 Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages[a] to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!” 8 Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, 9 “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” 10 Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). 11 Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same ... read more
My Sins Were Washed Away
"What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus." Palm Sunday, April 1st, 2012, I awoke early to prepare my heart before the Lord. Fervent prayers of gratitude rise, for sending His son in exchange for my transgressions. Such wondrous love was given to me, that I might live with Him. The hands of time move forward into the morning hours. Into the baptismal I step, with testimony in hand. I lay my all at His feet, as my story is weaved into a tapestry of words before family and friends. My Testimony I Choose Joy On November 10th, 2010, I became stuck in my worst kind of fear. I heard the words, my cancer had metastasized to my bones and it’s now stage IV breast cancer and the number of days I have left on this earth are uncertain. This came as a big surprise to Bill and me, ... read more
It’s All Around Us
The noise of the television...the ringing of the cell phone...the blaring of the words, of lost loves across the radio.It's all around us.The pressure inside...you have to get this done...that done...work faster.... oh why in the world did you forget that....you know your not as good as she is.The voices constantly pushing you forward......and often times back.It's all around us.The children yell...a door slams... a husband sighs from a long days work...the tension from the week builds inside.It's all around us.Loud.The pressure of life, can get louder, and louder, and louder. When we focus on the loud, our self gets in the way.The loudness of life. So many things can sidetrack our attention.....so many things become loud....they drown out and distract us from what's important....the ... read more