Every Wednesday at Leaving A Legacy, I’m going to be sharing with you my journey as a breast cancer fighter. I hope you’ll join me on this journey…..I’m going to be very transparent and very real, as I share with you what the Lord has placed on my heart, one step at a time.
A scream tore through the ordinary day, of my ordinary life. It was a scream that started the nightmare. It was a scream that made me grow up. It shook me to my very core.
We had just gotten home from a family errand, my husband had left for work, and there on the answering machine was the message I dreaded most.
Nervously, I hit play, and my doctor’s voice played loud and clear, “Shari, you need to call my office as soon as possible.”
I quickly called my doctor to confirm the news; it was the dreaded C word. “I’m so sorry, you have breast cancer” were the words I heard. I hung up the phone and a high pitched wail tore my heart in two as my world began to fall apart.
I was only 34 years old when I stepped into the world of cancer. I was married 11 years and had two children, our daughter was only 8 years old, and our son, still just a baby at 5 years old.
The thoughts that first raced through were my mind were, “No, no I can’t die. My children are just babies, they need me! Please Lord! Why is this happening?”
My next thought was, “I do not want to lose my hair, and I am not going out in public and have everyone know what is happening to me.”
With a heavy heart, I picked up the phone and my fingers nervously dialed my husband’s phone number, one ring, two….before he could say a word, I screamed into the phone “It’s bad! It’s bad! Come home now! It’s cancer!”
Within less than five minutes he burst through the front door, grabbed me in his arms, and held me as I cried uncontrollably. Again the doctor’s office was called as quickly as possible, my husband had to hear the news for himself; he had to be able to understand what had just happened. The doctor once again explained everything to my husband, trying to assure him that things would be ok.
My husband hung up the phone and looked at me and said, “We can do this, everything is going to be ok. God is going to be with us.”
Have you ever been in a situation where you know you have to do something you don’t want to do, a situation where you muster up every ounce of strength within you to get it done?These types of scenarios usually end up being ones where you go through life in a state of numbness and disbelief as you put one foot in front of the other not knowing where you’ll end up. This is the type of life altering trial that I was facing.
It was as if the rest of the world just kept going, kept living their lives as if everything was alright, yet nothing was alright for me, nothing at all.
Phone calls were made and the upcoming doctor’s appointments were scheduled, along with an appointment to see our pastor. When the time came to see our pastor, I sat in his office with a million questions racing through my mind.
“Why me Lord? Am I going to die? What have I done wrong? Are you mad at me God?” rang loud and clear in my head.
Just then the pastor walked in and said, “Shari, I don’t have the answers to why this is happening, but I do have something better, I have some verses the Lord has placed on my heart that He wants me to share with you, found in Isaiah 42:16 and 43:2,
“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known; along unfamiliar paths I will guide them: I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
I didn’t get the answer from my pastor that I wanted, I didn’t get the elusive, “Why me?” resolved.
However, I did receive assurance that God would be with me every step of the way. I told myself that with God by my side I would get through this one step at a time. First the surgery, then chemotherapy, then radiation, and after that making sure I stayed well.
It was then and there that I made the resolution that if this had to happen to me, I wanted to make sure that God would be glorified through it all. I wanted to make this trial have meaning; I wanted to make my story, His story. I wanted others to know that no matter how bad it got, God would be with me every step of the way, and I would praise His name because of it.
Please join me next week for more of His story.
Please click here to read more of journey with my stage IV breast cancer, Part 2, Part 3,
Many Blessings~
Linking to:
Soli Deo Gloria
Winsome Wednesday
Women Living Well Wednesday
Thriving Thursdays
Thought Provoking Thursdays
Faith Filled Friday
Thank you for bravely sharing your story. I love the verses your minister shared. God does indeed shed light on our paths! I’m looking forward to reading more.
Thank you Helene for stopping by Leaving A Legacy. Yes, God does. He is so good!
Blessings~
Shari
Shari, I didn’t know you were so young when this started. This story brought tears to my eyes, but I leave here with hope — hope that our pain has meaning, that God uses our trials, that He is with us all the way.
It’s that hope that I cling to. The hope in Christ that gets me through each day. Thank you for visiting Jen!
Blessings~
Shari
What a wonderful scripture the Lord led your Pastor to share with you! This trial of fire you are in will not set you ablaze. He is right by your side.
Jerralea,
Amen! I agree 100%. Thank you so much for stopping by!
Blessings~
Shari
Sweet friend, your story brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. While I know it has been hard, I can see God in your situation every step of the way. You are in my prayers dear friend.
Jenifer-
Thank you for always supporting me and being there for me. I know I can always count on you. That means the world to me.
Blessings~
Shari
You have me in tears. Thanks for sharing your story. Love how you see God there stepping your journey out with you!
Thank you Alene!
Blessings~
Shari
OK, you have me in tears too. Not just because of the beginning of this post but jumping up and down with how you ended it. . .Hope in Jesus! No matter what each of us are going through, we can make it one step at a time with HIM!
Thank you for sharing Shari. You are a blessing!
Thank you Kristin!
Blessings~
Shari
Thanks so much for being able to share such an intimate, yet raw, part of your journey. I pray that
God will use your testimony to help others know that they don’t have to be along in their personal journey’s whether it be cancer or another illness or trial. God will never forsake us or leave us as we cling to Him through it all.
blessings,
Gay
Gay,
Thank you for stopping by. That’s all I want through this is that God can use it to help others and glorify His name.
Blessings~
Shari
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! I love you heart, your honesty, your willingness to speak out to others in fear right now that God is still with us. Thank you!
Love YOU sweet friend 🙂
Melanie
Melanie,
Thank you for your kind words.
Love you too,
Shari
I walked through this journey with my Mother. Oh, how I heard every word…
Thank you for stopping by Natasha.
Blessings~
Shari
I often visit here to link up on Thursdays but rarely comment. I’m so glad you’re sharing your story. I follow you on Twitter & will be sure to share this each week. I think I told you once before that I was privileged to support a dear friend/sister through her battle with breast cancer. I was out of work and able to spend every day of her last 6 months driving her to appointments, listening to her, and just being with her. (Her hubby had to work a lot to pay the mounting bills.) Those precious days taught me much. I pray that your journey will teach others also. Praise God for your healing!
Renee,
Thank you for stopping by and for sharing my story on Twitter. That was so kind of you. Yes, these trials teach you more than you could ever imagine. That was so wonderful you that you were there for your friend.
Blessings~
Shari
Shari, thank you for sharing your story. It’s so good to hear of how God has carried others through who have gone before. My best friend’s husband has stage 4 lung cancer … he is still doing great after 4 years. A true miracle! I love a good God story. Can’t wait to read part 2 of yours next week. Hope you have a wonderful Easter. 🙂
Thank you for stopping by. I hope you have a good Easter was well.
Blessings~
Shari
I am so glad you are sharing this. I know by having spent time in your blog in the past, that you are a woman with strong faith. I know that by reading through your journey, many women will be blessed.
Teresa,
Thank you for your kind words. I pray that the women who read my words will see Jesus, and His goodness. That’s what it’s all about.
Blessings~
Shari
Shari, I look forward to hearing the rest of this story. I’m sure there will be much rejoicing at the end. You write so well. I burst into tears when I read of the moment you called your husband to tell him. I put myself in your shoes and I couldn’t stop crying.
Bless you.
Love
Nicki
Nicki,
Thank you so much for your kind, heartfelt words. There is rejoicing all the way through because God has never left me, or failed me. He has been with me every step of the way.
Blessings~
Shari
Your pastor is wise. Scripture to consider versus not answering questions was what you needed. It changed your path even though you didn’t get the answer you were seeking. BTW, if you ever get the answer, let the world know, too. Enjoy your SITS Day.
I’ll never forget the day I learned that I had Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I was on a gurney in a crowded ER hallway on New Years’ Eve. I had to explain it to my husband because the ER doctor rushed through the diagnosis, had most of the info wrong, and my husband didn’t know what an oncologist was. My whole world changed and I was in denial for a couple of days. Thank God I have been in remission since 2005. Happy to hear that you are a brave survivor too. Enjoy your SITS Day, Shari!
The best part about that bible verse is that God will never forsake you. I’m praying for you along your journey.
Just stunning… You got me tearing up in the first paragraph… I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you, and I’m intrigued to hear the rest of the story. I hope you are doing well now, and that you have found peace of mind and heart. I’m visiting you from SITS today, congrats on being featured!
Shari, your story choked me up…I felt your emotion. I think the “why me” is pretty much evident…Because you can offer hope and faith to others. I don’t know if that helps or not, but…that’s what I think.
Thank you Lisa. That is my heart desire through all of this that I could bring encouragement to others, and point the way to Jesus. It’s all for His glory.
Have a wonderful day!
All for Him,
Shari
I can’t imagine getting that phone call. I think it is amazing that you have chosen to take a positive route on this journey. I wish you well!
Oh how gut-wrenching it is to read this post… Shari- you are giving God a HUGE platform to testify to His Abundant Love and Mercy… Your strength in Him and your decision to make this about HIM through this dreadful experience- is both Honoring and Pleasing to your Heavenly Father, my friend.