Please click on the following link to read, My Mess, God’s Message – Part 1
I immediately got a ride to the hospital. My heart was racing a mile a minute as I ran into the emergency room. “He’s in room 5,” the attendant said. With lightning speed I made my way to room 5 and was by my husband’s side. He was lying on a stretcher with a cervical collar on, and smiled as soon as I walked in the room.
He told me the story of how he had fainted after giving blood and hit his heard hard on the way down. After numerous tests were ran, everything appeared to be ok, and rest was ordered. I was am so thankful for God’s protective hand on my husband.
Within the past few weeks my Mother’s house of 39 years was sold. A place I had called home since I was 5 years old. My heart was weary and tears welled up inside my eyes as I said good bye. Good bye to the memories, both good and bad, a place that I once called home, as a new family will begin there life’s journey behind it’s closed doors.
As the last days of summer went by, I knew a storm front was headed our way, and there was nothing we could do to avoid it. My daughter had and MRI, ultrasound and a biopsy done. The results wait in God’s hands for us to soon know.
This week, is my turn……..
My tumor marker counts are up, the highest they’ve ever been at 89. A routine PET scan is scheduled for Friday. This is will open the window to what’s going on inside my body. Either no cancer, it’s remained stable, or progressed further, will be the out come.
My heart goes between two places, as struggle to give the outcome to the God and denounce satan’s whispers of fear. Just this past week, I raised my hands giving it all over to him, trusting Him with the outcomes. Then the father of lies, knocks at my heart telling me what if, are you sure you can trust. I sigh and cry out to God once more.
So many emotions race through a cancer fighters mind. My hearts cry can be perfectly said in my dear friend, and fellow cancer survivors post, I Just Want.
As a cancer fighter with children, our wants are not huge or grandiose. All we want is to see our children grow up. We want to see the turning of the tassel as they graduate from high school. We want to see them embark on a new adventure as they spread there wings and sit in a college class for the first time. We want to see them walk down the isle towards the love of their life, or have the love of their lives walk towards them. We want to hold our grandchildren and see there sweet smile, and touch the precious life that God has given our own.
We just want……. to be like everyone else, at least for a little while.
Satan and I have been wrestling this year. At times I have come out the lesser of the two, with a wounded heart, to show. Doubt filled my heart about whether or not I should even write any more, if what I had to say would matter, or was even good enough to be read.
Uncertainty filled my mind about the mounting medical bills that continue to come in, that climb to the thousands. My silent prayers reach for the heavens, “How will we ever take care of this Lord? Please provide a way.”
As these unwanted thoughts filled my mind, I began to take stock of the mess that I had been trudging through this past year.
The main lesson I learned was, no matter how much I thought I was giving it over to God, I was actually trying to fight the battle on my own.
We are not meant to fight the battle thrown at us by satan. When we become Christ’s children, the battle becomes the Lord’s, not ours to own.
“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” ~Exodus 14:14
So, as this years struggles continue to approach one by one, I hand them over to the Lord. I rest in His presence and wait for His outcomes. Knowing that His ways are best. They may not turn out to be what I would have planned. But, I stand on the truth knowing that His plans are for my good.
I tell you these things not to invoke sympathy, but rather to tell you that no matter what you going through, I promise you that God is there!
I give God my mess and ask Him to turn it into His message.
It’s His message that I want to proclaim through the heart wrenching times. It’s His message, of His unfailing love and constant presence, that I want people to know during their darkest hour.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
My writing is returning as God gives me the words to speak. My heart is once again open to share with you this journey of Leaving A Legacy to my friends and family.
Have you been placed in difficulty situations that have lasted weeks and months that you thought you would never recover from? How have you been delivered and what has God taught you during these times?
As you go about your day today, remember to call upon the name of the Lord. He is there, no matter what your situation. I promise you that there is power in His name.
All for Him,