Boxing Against Shadows

When you’re first told that you have breast cancer it’s as if you have been hit by a gigantic punch in the stomach, that knocks the reality of your comfortable world to smithereens. When you have been told you have stage IV cancer, you get knocked flat on your back, with the wind knocked out of you as you struggle to take your next breath.

As you continue on with your daily fight against stage IV cancer, it’s like you’re boxing against shadows, punching this way and that, with gritted teeth and clenched fists, sometimes hitting and defeating the enemy and sometimes not. Cancer is a word that I do not like. It’s an enemy that I have been fighting for almost nine years. It’s an enemy that can take unknowing victims down in a single swoop, or in a long drawn out life altering battle. Sometimes, it strikes and then succeeds letting it’s victim live on to carry out a “normal” life.

Within the past month I’ve had cancer visit me in three forms. A dear high school friend named Dyana, was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer that has metastasized to her liver. Another high school friend named Kristi, my children’s Godmother, was just diagnosed with thyroid cancer. The third visit was made on me in a doctors appointment that I had last Thursday.

When your a cancer patient, you go to the doctor quite often. During your appointment you  have a blood draw which is called a tumor marker count. A count of 36 or below is normal. In these past two years my counts have fluctuated from 36-60, but on Thursday they shot  up to 72. When you hear news like this it makes your heart sink to the pit of your stomach and the fears and the what ifs start to wildly race through your mind. A count of 72, equals a PET scan, which determines if there are any new cancer cells in the body. They also determine a possible new chapter of treatment in the life of a cancer patient. That cancer patient at this present time is me.

Although this is something I dislike very much, it’s also something that I’ve learned valuable lessons from. The most valuable being, when it comes right down to it, the only thing that matters is my relationship with God and serving Him. Family, friends, and things do not compare to Him. It’s all about How I can serve Him through this and how He can be glorified. It’s about dying to self will and living to His will. Having cancer is not a road I would have chosen, it is not one I live perfectly without complaint, but it is a road where God is with me and I’ll follow with Him every step of the way .

As my PET scan approaches this next week, your prayers would be appreciated. Prayers of healing, of peace for myself and my family, prayers of accepting God’s will with whatever the outcome may be. I know God is an awesome God who can do great and wondrous things. It’s in knowing this fact that I hold onto the promise found in Jeremiah 29:11,

“For I know the plans ^B)’> you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Each one of us has our own story to tell, our own valley that we may need to walk through. What makes it bearable, what makes it easier, is fixing our eyes on Jesus, and focusing our eyes on Him and His blessings and not the problem. To drown out the loudness of the trial, to take away the sting of the pain, we need to remember to follow His instruction found in Psalm 46:10,

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Take the time to be still in His presence. Let Him wrap His loving arms around you and carry you on this journey you’re traveling.

Every Monday at a Holy Experience we are counting 1000 gifts in 2012. Won’t you please join us.

447. Singing songs of worship in church.
448. The wisdom of doctors.
449. Caring friends
450. God’s peace
451. My supportive husband.
452. A brother’s love.
453. A friend that can sense somethings wrong through a few written words on Facebook, even through we are over 1600 miles apart.
454. God’s grace
455. My relationship with God, because it’s the only thing that matters.
456. Prayer
457. True friends that take the time to ask if your ok.
458. My mother-in-law’s prayers.
459. A card from a friend that means more to me than she could ever imagine.


I hope you have felt encouraged while visiting Leaving A Legacy. You can get additional updates that are not posted on the blog by connecting with us through Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe to Leaving A Legacy and have the latest posts delivered right to your email .

Many Blessings~

Linking to:
Multitudes on Mondays
On Your Heart Tuesday
Soli Deo Gloria
On In and Around Mondays

Photo Credit