Friends, my original post was going to be about teaching our children the importance of service, but I'm going to change paths, and instead talking about the importance of spending time with Jesus. Today at the doctor's office I received news that my cancer had returned to four spots on the bones. Three on my sternum and one on the upper part of my spine. Through all of this I still proclaim His goodness and glory. I know that He is in charge and He is Lord of all. It's times like these, the hard, gritty, in your face, wish you could turn around and run times, where true lessons are learned. Through all of this I want my children to see my walk with God grow closer than ever. I want them to know in their hearts that the most important way they can spend their time is with God. The ... read more
Boxing Against Shadows
When you're first told that you have breast cancer it's as if you have been hit by a gigantic punch in the stomach, that knocks the reality of your comfortable world to smithereens. When you have been told you have stage IV cancer, you get knocked flat on your back, with the wind knocked out of you as you struggle to take your next breath. As you continue on with your daily fight against stage IV cancer, it's like you're boxing against shadows, punching this way and that, with gritted teeth and clenched fists, sometimes hitting and defeating the enemy and sometimes not. Cancer is a word that I do not like. It's an enemy that I have been fighting for almost nine years. It's an enemy that can take unknowing victims down in a single swoop, or in a long drawn out life altering battle. ... read more
The Beauty of Scars
Most anyone who is a cancer survivor has scars. Both emotional and physical. Seen and unseen. Scars that have changed the lives of both themselves and family members. Scars that have opened up paths that many would have never choosen to be on. I know this has rung true in my life. What about you? We all have scars of one sort or another. We all have a story to tell. Stories of trials and suffering that have created us into new beings, that have made us the essence of who we are. I often wonder who I would be without my scars. Would I be as stong, or as determined? Probably not. Would I be happier? Would life be easier? Maybe. But, here's the thing......without the scars I wouldn't be me. The me who God is molding me into. The child of God He wants me to be. When the hardness of ... read more
I See God’s Hand
I can see God's hand through everything in life. Even in breast cancer. Having breast cancer is a hard road to walk on, one that I would not wish on anyone. It's full of ups and downs, times of fear and dread, times of pain, and times of absolute relief. It's also been a time where I have seen God's hand taking care of me every step of the way. In Hebrews 13:5, God states, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Though this trial I have always been able to see His power and goodness.As I was speaking to God this week about the impending dread I had concerning an upcoming doctors appointment, I told Him that I wanted to hear his voice, that I didn't like the silence. Shortly afterwards He said to me, "I will heal you. I have great and wonderful things planned for you." My human doubt ... read more
Treasure Hunters
Are you a treasure hunter? When you were a child did you ever dream of finding a buried treasure? If we adjust our vision we can see treasures all around us. From the smell of flowers, to laughter, to the sunshine out our windows, to cleaning a house and the feeling of accomplishment afterwards. We can find a treasure in all things if we look hard enough. It may not be the equivalent of gold, or jewels that we hear about in story books, but in reality it can be so much more. We can even find treasures amidst the hard. Just like the oyster suffers discomfort when sand forms into a precious pearl, our lives go through the same process. The hard in our lives transforms us into the person God wants us to be, one grain at a time. Are you suffering any type of hard situation in your life ... read more
Unseen and Seen
I stare at the blankness on my computer screen, deciding whether to write or not. With the prompting and challenge of my husband....I write. Real. It can take two forms, seen and unseen. When you are a stage IV breast cancer patient, the real that is seen, is one that I don't like. Not at all. My brother knows I don't like to talk about this real. Which is fine. He is right. Sometimes I will open up, but only to a select few.How many of us are truly real? When someone asks us how we are doing, most of us will say, "Oh, fine. How are you?" When in reality, the true real gets hidden deep inside. Inside a place where only Jesus, husbands, sometimes brothers, and certain friends will ever know.The real that is unseen is the one that I like. It's my faith in God. I can't see my faith, or God, ... read more
Healing Grace
Pictures make it real...... With a heavy heart I ask for prayer and drive to the doctor's office... Time for my blood draw and infusion..... Time to pick a brown chair with a pink pillow.... Time to prepare, time to get my arm warmed as friends from childhood look on... Time for my Zometa, a medicine that strengthens my bones, in case cancer should try to find a new home... Time to look for gifts amidst the storm.... As I count them one by one.... God's healing grace washes over me, I am reminded that no matter what..... There is no death in Christ....He already took our place... Instead I am reminded that the future brings life... Life in Him for all of eternity. Even though the images burn the current reality onto my soul... I move forward with hope in ... read more
Raging Waters
When the waters of life rage around you. When you feel like you are on an island all alone. If you are facing cancer, another type of sickness, abondonment, depression, lonlieness, finanical burden, remember this....God is always there. He promised in Scripture that He would never leave us nor forsake us. Hold fast to that promise friends. Find solace today by resting in the promises of His word. Psalm 139 "1 You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. 5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty ... read more
God is in the Business of Performing Miracles
When you live with stage IV breast cancer, you live with many doctor's appointments, blood draws, and scans. This week I got my faith stretched as I faced a blood draw on Tuesday, and a doctor's appointment yesterday. When you have cancer you have an invisible cloud that constantly floats over your head that no one can see. You never know what the outcome of your test results will be, and whether or not the clouds will bring forth a down pour of rain.As I approached my doctors appointment this week, I was in constant prayer with the Lord. I kept asking that He would replace my fear with peace. Right before the appointment I looked up verses in the Bible on overcoming fear. What the Lord brought to my mind was the same verse our pastor gave to me years ago when I was first diagnosed.Isaiah ... read more
The Lord Will Fight for You
Those little thoughts of anxiety can so easily creep over a cancer patient. An upcoming doctor's appointment, an upcoming blood draw, or awaiting the results of a PET scan, can cause us to feel as if we are in the rushing, white water rapids, clinging on for dear life. As I was pondering over the reality of cancer last week, I could here the Lord's voice speaking to me...as Exodus 14:14 ran through my mind.... "Stop!" the Lord said."The Lord will fight for you; You need only to be still." "Ok, Lord....but you just don't understand..." Again I heard it, "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." Then, it hit me...how many times in life are we not still. How many times do we try to take it back from God, to fix it ourselves, or waste our energy worrying about a ... read more