She had a feeling in the deep recesses of her being.
So she decided to act.
She picked up his phone and searched the history.
There it was in black and white, words she never wanted to see, it was then she knew her husband had been looking at pornography.
Her heart became twisted and anger mixed with fear took hold of who she was.
She threw the phone and watched as it shattered into pieces, just like her life was about to do.
She began to scream at him, “Why did you do this? How long has this gone on? Am I not pretty enough for you? How could you do this to me, after everything we have been through?”
Her husband looked scared as he tried to lie his way out of what was unfolding before him.
The hands on the clock continued to tick away as she interrogated him about what kind of man he had become.
He was filled with shame, embarrassment, and humiliation about what he had done. He knew he was wrong, and wished he could turn back time to prevent this from ever happening.
By the look in her eyes he knew he had broken her spirit. He wondered how anything could ever be made right again.
Right then and there he prayed to the Father for forgiveness, and for hope and grace to erase his selfishness. He prayed that some how, some way, they could start over again, and that she would be able to forgive him for what he had done.
The above story is more common than we think. It can happen in any home, at any time. This problem is prevalent everywhere, in non-Christian and Christian homes alike.
But, here’s the thing……
There is hope.
Hope to break away from the shackles of this secret sin called pornography.
To begin the journey, we need to ask God to shine his light into the darkness and uncover this secret sin. Once it’s uncovered lives can be made whole and healing can begin.
If you, or anyone you know are walking along this path, there are solutions to this problem.
It begins by first asking God to come into your marriage, and to make him the foundation on which your marriage will stand.
Secondly, it begins by seeking help. Help can come in many forms, prayer, reading your Bible, wise counsel, and various other resources.
A brand new resource that has just been released is a book by my friend Jen Ferguson and her husband Craig titled, Pure Eyes, Clean Heart, A Couples Journey to Freedom from Pornography.
This book tells their story. A story of how pornography almost broke their marriage and how God’s redeeming love made it whole.
The book is broken down into six different parts that weave a tale of their story. Their journey begins with Jen’s heart breaking discovery of Craig’s porn usage, moving to Craig’s story of how the usage began, and the final realization of how they needed to let God take control of the situation, because they could not do it on their own.
They were able to bring to life how powerful porn can become if it remains hidden and not brought out in to the open. “It’s the shame , the darkness, and the desire to keep it hidden that gives pornography it’s power.” [pg. 103]
They talked about how each one played a part in this journey. Craig’s part can be seen in his usage of porn and his realization that it was done to fill a void that only Christ can fill. Jen came to understand that no matter how hard she tried she could not fix this problem on her own. She realized that she could not control Craig’s actions by policing his moves on the internet. She came to the understanding that only Christ could take care of this problem, and she had to daily hand it over to him.
The part that struck me the most in this book, was the aspect of forgiveness. Chapter 12 is titled, “Forgive, Forgive, Forgive.” No matter how painful this experience was for Jen, she knew that she had to forgive Craig. Whether he sinned only one time by looking at porn, or numerous times, she knew she had to forgive whether she felt like it or not. Craig as well learned that he had to forgive Jen for the hurtful behavior she displayed towards him on this journey.
“Along the journey of marriage, we had to learn that forgiveness , most of the time, doesn’t start with a feeling; it starts with obedience to God. We know we must forgive because he has forgiven us time and time again (Colossians 3:13). We then put our faith in God that he will take out decision to walk toward forgiveness (i.e., leave grudges, resentment, bitterness, and anger behind) and bring it to fruition. [pg. 137]
This was one of my favorite books that I have read this year. It brought to light a serious problem that faces many marriages. They were able to describe how they overcame the problem of pornography by ultimately giving it over to Christ and letting him take the reigns of their marriage. This book is a wonderful resource, filled with biblical guidance, that will help any couple start their journey to freedom.
“We can persevere through this storm because with Jesus there is always hope.” [pg. 111]
I have the honor of giving away one copy of their book, Pure Eyes, Clean Heart, A Couple’s Journey to Freedom from Pornography. If you or someone you know are walking this road, please take a moment to click on the link and enter the giveaway below.
Pure Eyes Clean Heart ~ A Couple’s Journey to Freedom from Pornography
* Note: I received a copy of the book from Discovery House for this review. However, the honest opinions expressed are my own.